Hump Day Random - Episode 1

Because it is such a slow day and I have an unwillingness to post about Eric Lindros' retirement until it actually happens, I will discuss something that has been on my mind.

Saved By the fucking Bell. Every morning, because of my window placement and an inability to find the best solution to block the sun from coming in my window, I am left to wake up to watch Saved by the Bell on TBS. Yes, I know, I could be watching Sportsnite, but I generally see it the night prior. Also, I could watch Sportscenter, but I am boycotting ESPN because they placed Stephen A. Smith ON ESPN RADIO! Sorry, I had to get loud like him.

So now on to Saved by the Bell.

First off, did they really think that kids were stupid enough to not realize that Bayside moved from Indianapolis to California? I mean, I know the American public gets blasted for their intelligence all the time, but I would like to give us the benefit of the doubt on this one.

Second, Mr. Belding was a pussy. His favorite punishment was detention. I don't know about your high school, but I know if I pulled half the shit that Zack Morris pulled, I would have been suspended or expelled 5 times over.

Third, What the FUCK! NBC really pulled a swift one on us with this show. They made us believe that during their 4 years of high school, there was never one intimate moment between the kids. Never! They covered all the other bases:

I think we all remember the 'Drug Use' episode. If not, here you go.



But seriously, how did not one of these high school boys never get any on camera ass? If Dawson could do it, Zack Morris should have definitely been able to pull it off. No pregnancies? No abortions? Pathetic. Elizabeth Berkley had no problem looking like a whore in Showgirls. Meanwhile, Zack literally "pecked on the lips" every girl in the group. What happened to Hoes before Bros and Bros before Hoes? I mean think about all the times Jesse and Zack climbed in each other's windows. How did that not develop into some kind of random fuck scene? Imagine if Cinamax picked up this show...Amazing.

Another thing that really pisses me off is the fact that Albert Clifford Slater, sorry Sanchez, played football, basketball, track, and wrestling. How does one play basketball and wrestling at the same time? It just doesn't happen and it isn't even allowed in high school. And what about that fucking hair cut? Nice Jheri Curl 'Big Al'
One of the saddest parts of the show was the fact that Kelly Kapowski, the sweet and hot cheerleader we all fell in love with, was always to poor to do anything. The Halloween Ball, the Senior Prom, College, etc. Now I understand her father was laid off, but was he really out of the work during the whole tenure of the show?

Speaking of Kelly, apparently Zack and Kelly were 'soul mates'. The thing I fail to understand is if they were 'soul mates'; why was Zack 'pecking' a different girl in just about every other episode? And he still didn't get laid.

I'm sorry if you have read this whole thing and you're disappointed, but the Saved by the Bell crew really pissed me off with this sitcom. It barely represented anything that high school was like.

At least in the end we got a Screech porno, which includes him giving female companions golden showers.